(More) All these jokes are now illustrated at my new Programming Comic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Software Development Cycles , reason 0 being that he has limited cache. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.” At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors. ENTER: Northerner talk fer, “C’mon in, y’all.” CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.” The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.” The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.” The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.Dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries.
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